Ask the Angels
by princess consuela berishnikoff
Summary: Sara remembers that horrible night. Angst, suicide, a little ooc. Sara/Catherine Final Chapter up!
1. Chapter 1

It's Sara's birthday and she spends it alone thinking of that horrible night. Sounds like a healthy life right?

Kind of ooc.

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI nor do I own the song "Ask the Angels" by Patti Smith.

--

It's hard to remember what it felt like. I tried to block it out, almost successfully. He'd come home and grab a beer or two. Not enough to get him drunk, but enough to help him forget what he shouldn't do. When corporal punishment turned into beating your child. It wasn't even the alcohol that made him that way, I don't know what did. But all I know is that when it started the best thing to do was just take it. Recede into your mind and try to imagine you were somewhere else. I'd always think of songs, just play them over and over in my mind until there was nothing left but music.

--

"Laura! What the fuck is this shit you call dinner?!" He yelled. A younger Sara sat in her room, reading a book. She knew what was coming. The sound of heavy work boots followed by a sharp "thud" and the muffled sound of her mother's yelp. There was silence other than the sobs of Laura.

Sara was already preparing for the next beating when she heard the work boots of her father approaching her room."Ask the angels who they're calling, go ask the angels if they're calling to thee " She hummed to herself, closing her brown eyes as the door swung open. "Ask the angels while they're falling, who that person could possibly be" she sang in her head, waiting for that first hit. It came all to soon. Then a second, third, forth, they kept coming. "And I know you got the feeling, you know, I feel it crawl across the floor" she continued to let the music fill her head as she covered her face, and curled up. He was yelling something at her, or maby her mother. Sara was gone now in her head. "And I know it got you reelin' and honey honey the call is for war and it's wild wild wild wild."

This was the longest he'd ever gone. Then... It stopped. But there was screaming still. And warm liquid poured onto her. She dared to open her tear filled eyes to see her mother stabbing her father. 4, 5, 6, 7 more times. It continued until her mother was ripped off of her father. 13 times, the number burned into her memory.

--

You'd think I'd remember that case worker's name, because I couldn't let go of her hand. Anyway, I'm here sitting in my apartment. Alone. Again. Who cares, right? It's not like it's against the law to be alone on your birthday. I took to day off of work to assure no surprise birthday party would be given to me. I don't need some reassurance that people like me that's in the form of cake and fake smiles.

Don't get me wrong, I like the guys. Nick and Warrick are like big brothers to me. Despite me coming in and having to investigate Warrick. Greg has become a really good friend, probably the best I've made since I've moved here. Gil can be a bit oblivious to everything around him, but I've come to admire that about him. Wendy, Mandy, Bobby, and Sofia have always had my back, and provided small talk in between cases.

Suddenly a phone interrupts my trail of thought. "Fuck. who could that be?" I complain, my voice falls on no ears. It could be one of two things. One: The team calling to wish me a happy birthday. Two: Gil or Catherine calling me into work. Either way I'm not picking up that phone. I just let the sharp ringing fill the room until my answering machine picks up. "Sidle. Leave a message" the machine states. A very demanding machine if you ask me. The next voice is very expected. "Geez Sara, you'd have to have the black plague to miss work." A strong southern voice says. It's Nick, but I can hear others too.

"Give me the phone!" Greg says in the back round. "One minute!" Nick snaps at him. "I wanted to wish you a happy birthday, here's Greg"

"Hey Sara! What's with skipping work on your birthday!? You know we wanted to buy you breakfast!" He pouts. "Anyway, happy birthday! Here's Warrick!"

"Looks like you're 'Never miss a day of work' streak is finally broken." He kids before saying what everyone else has said "Happy Birthday, I missed you at work!"

After Warrick pretty much every lab tech, Sofia, Brass, Gil, and even Ecklie said their "Happy birthdays" and made their friendly comments. What the hell? did everyone stay after work just to do this? And doesn't this message machine cut off at any point? Finally the final person makes their message.

"Hey, it's Catherine." Why would she want to wish my a happy birthday? We can hardly say 'Good morning' to each other "We should get drinks this weekend to celebrate." Wait what? "See you at work tomorrow" and the message ends.

I listen to the message once more and frown at the machine as if it just told me some bad news. It's weird how a group of friends leaving a cheerful message has left me feeling so... Empty. I brush off the message and walk to my bathroom . Where I undress and climb in the shower.

--

It was Sara's 15th birthday. She lost count of how many foster homes she'd been in. This one was a litter better than the others though: they let her stay home alone without locking up all the knifes. The lanky brunette was filling up a bath when her mind wandered to that night. To every lonely night since that horrible night. To every time she got those looks. She'd had enough.

She turned up her music and laughed bitterly at the song. "Well this is ironic" she said to herself as she grabbed a knife. Just as she climbed into the tub Patti Smith's voice boomed over the silence. "Ask the angels: who they're calling, go ask the angels if they're calling to thee" The words from the song were enough to cause her to drag the blade over her wrists. "Ask the angels while they're falling, who that person could possibly be" Blood poured out into the water, and she began to hope no one would come home anytime soon. "And I know you got the feeling, you know, I feel it crawl across the floor" Now came the time to wait. She was cold, and beginning to become dizzy. "And I know it got you reelin' and honey honey the call is for war and it's wild wild wild wild." Everything was dark. It was going to be okay.

--

Yeah well it wasn't. My foster mother at the time came home early and saved my life. I still wish she'd come home just ten minutes later. Just ten.

Oh wait, I've been in the shower for like an hour now. I quickly turn of the now cold water and step out. I avoid looking at myself in the mirror as I dry off. I feel too lazy to get dressed right now, so I just lay on my bed in a towel and stare at the walls.

Then, a novel idea passes through my head: I have a gun. It will be fast, and no one can stop me. A surge of happiness fills me, and I practically jump up. I'll have to put some clothes on because I'd hate for someone to find my naked. Boxers and a tank top should be enough.

I quickly put on the clothes and go to my night stand table. My heart's beating fast already as I slowly open the drawer. I grab my standard issue gun and make my way to my living room to turn on some music. I flip on the switch, and you'd never guess what was on at the moment.


	2. Chapter 2

Watch out: I used the word "Fuck" alot in this chapter. It's my favorite word so it comes natural in my writing.

Disclaimer: I only own the plot.

--

Catherine walks in my apartment after banging on the door for about two minutes. Too bad I'm dead already. She screams at the sight of my brains, skull, and what used to be my face splattered all over the walls of my small apartment. Any movie or TV show that depicts someone shooting themselves, and it just have a bullet hole through the skull , is cleaning that shit up. In reality the face is pretty much gone. I'm surprised she can tell it's me.

Now she's calling 911, frantically explaining how I killed myself. You'd think she'd be more calm: she sees this shit everyday! She's calling the team, tears rolling down her face. Weeping into her phone, it's not long before they get here, surprisingly before the paramedics.

That's how it all went down...No just kidding.

--

Catherine pauses as she looks down at the bottle of Jack in her hand, with a pink bow tied around it. "I hope this is what she likes" she mumbles to her self as she starts to climb up the stairs. "You'd think there would be an elevator." she complained as her thighs started to ache. As she neared Sara's floor she heard the muffled sound of "Ask the angels" playing. She cocked an eye brow 'Haven't heard that in 30 years.' she thought as she vaguely hummed the words.

Her feet quickly brought her to Sara's door. "Oh, the music's coming from here?" she thought it strange that Sara would be playing loud music this late. "Hope she's not already drunk" Catherine laughed to herself as she knocked on the door. A muffled "God damn it" was heard, and then a distinct sound of a gun being loaded. "Sara!" Catherine called. Nothing..."SARA!" she rose her voice and began pounding. A million things popped into Catherine's brain: Was she being attacked, rapped, robbed? Catherine's worrying got the best of her, and before she could rationalize with herself she had already kicked the door open.

--

"God damn it!" I say out loud after a knocking comes to the door. I quickly bring the gun to my head and pull the trigger. However it seems as though in my suicidal state I forgot it needed to be loaded. I run into my bed room and grab the casing and slide it in with a loud 'click.' Shit I hope whoever's at the door doesn't know anything about guns and the sounds they make. "Sara" oh fuck it's Catherine! I pull the trigger frantically three times. "SARA!" She shouts. God damn it! I forgot to take the safety off!

Before I can take it off safety, Catherine comes busting in. The gun is still in my hand, against my head. That second seemed to last forever. The shock in her eyes, she was running towards me. I take it off safety, but before I can get it back to my head she hits me like a line back at the super bowl. We both go flying, as well as the gun. "Get the fuck off me!" I scream at her, but she's too strong. What the fuck does she do, double as a body builder?

I'm pinned under her, trying desperately to grab the gun. But I can't move. I know if I live they'll send me to a phsyc ward, again. I can't stand it there. I'm struggling against her, but she some how manages to get me in hand cuffs. Again: What the fuck? Why does she carry her cuffs with her? It doesn't matter anymore, and I go limp. Giving up on fighting like I have on life.

With tears filling Catherine's turquoise eyes she looks down into my brown eyes. "Why?" she whispers. I can't look at her. "Why not?" I ask. She pulls me up off the floor, and pulls me into an embrace, I'd push her away if my hands weren't behind my back.

--

Some how I get the feeling that if I hadn't cuffed her, Sara would be pushing me away right now. I can't believe it, why would she want to die? I look at her with so many feeling towards her: pity, anger, love, hate. They're all there. I already know what I have to do. "Sit down" I tell her. Anger flashes in her eyes, and she opens her mouth to protest, but then she gives up before she even started and sat on the edge of her bed.

All she's wearing is boxers and a tank top. I think I'll give her some different clothes before we leave. At least I can do that much. I start to fish through her drawers, and she just watches. I don't know why, but I'm so angry right now, and in my anger I turn and throw the pair of jeans I picked out at her. "Put those on!" I snap at her. I think I really made her mad because she's clenching her jaw and glaring. "I would if you haven't had cuffed me!" she just as angrily snaps back.

I roll my eyes, and grab the jeans, pulling them up her long legs. This is all happening so fast. One minute I'm bringing her a birthday gift the next I'm forcing her into clothes so I can take her to the phsyc ward. The only way I can the time is because the same song is playing.

I pull her up and begin to lead her to the door. "Where are we going?" she asks, her voice is small, and defeated. "I'm getting you help: I'm checking you into a ward" oh shit I guess that's the wrong thing to say because she just ripped her arm out of my hand. "I'll kill both of us before I go back there!" she sternly says, her eyes full of hate. Wait, she said 'Back there' meaning she's been to one before.

I roll my eyes and scoff "You don't have the heart to hurt anyone but yourself."

--

I don't know what to do anymore. I can't elbow her in the face and hope I knock her out, and I certainly can't refuse to to go: she's already proved she can over power me. I fucking hate her right now. I hate myself. How hard is it to pull a trigger?

I follow her. That's right, to her car in silence. I'm not even putting up a fight, I disgust myself. I'm sure she feels the same way about me. What was she doing at my apartment anyway?

"What were you doing at my apartment?" I voice my thoughts. She was quiet for a second, watching the road as she made a turn. "I figured that you wouldn't want to be alone on you birthday" she sounds like she's going to cry...Again. Shit, it was my suicide and I didn't even cry. "Apparently I did." I mumble, glancing out the window as we neared the 'Happy Hotel.' "Are you mad that I saved your life!" she snapped. I roll my eyes at her ego. "Pffft. 'Saved my life'?" I laughed bitterly. "What do you want, a fucking parade?" to this she said nothing.

She stopped the car, and got out. She searched her purse for something for a second, and pulled out a key. A hand cuff key to be specific. "I'm un cuffing you, but don't you dare cause a scene. I'm not above hitting you." she informed me in a serious tone. I nod, and she uncuffs me. I walk about five feet with her and sigh.

I'm not going to go back there. She can over power me, but there's not a snow ball's chance in hell she can out run me. I take off faster than I've ever before, leaving Catherine behind me, but not for long.

--

Sara nimbly slid through openings between cars in the parking lot, dodging car mirrors, and trying to find a way to loose Catherine. Mean while Catherine was thankful she had worn her tennis shoes, and was choosing a faster way over the cars: She'd gotten onto one hood, and was gracefully leaping from one to the next.

Sara ducked under some bushes and didn't hesitate when she neared a tall fence with barbed wire. With an impressive leap she jumped onto the fence, grabbing the wire to keep from falling. "FUCK!" she yelped as it dug into her hands. Despite the pain she pulled herself up, and over the fence. She could hear the labored breathing of Catherine nearing her. "You'll never jump that fence" she taunted as she began to walk.

Catherine just stared at the fence, and her friend walking away. "God damn it Sara!" She called out as she fell to her knees in anguish. Suddenly a shadow crept up on Catherine, she turned to see a tall man behind her.

--

Dun dun duuuuun! Cliff hanger!

Anyway I put alot more humor into this than I thought. It's sarcastic and dark humor, but humor none the less. I can't wait for your reviews.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it's taken me longer than usual to update: I'm getting kicked out of my house in less than three months and have no money. Sorry if it sucks, ****reviews**** are ****appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

--

Before she could identify the man, Catherine was on her feet and backed up a little. He had short brown hair, and crystal blue eyes. He was wearing a white polo shirt, with long white pants. Catherine's eyes drifted to the name tag on his shirt that said "STAFF" and his name: Adam Hanks.

"Excuse me miss, would you like some help?" he asked. He obviously was smiting with Catherine, but she ignored his charming smile and pointed at Sara, who was now becoming hard to see.

--

"My friend, Sara Sidle, tried to commit suicide. She ran when I brought her here." I tell Adam. He looks at me then her, obviously trying to figure out what to do. "I'll get her" he nods as he takes off towards the fence, leaping and pulling himself up without touching the barbed wire. He must have been in some type of sport, or training because he's gaining up on Sara very quickly.

--

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do now. She's pretty much my boss, how the hell am i going to go back to work. It's the only thing I do.

I'm half way across this field when I hear someone approaching, fast. I turn to see someone charging at me like a bull. "Oh shit!" I yell as I begin to run again. "Miss!" I can hear him call out. "This will be easier if you just come with me!" Yeah right.

I know I can't keep up this running forever, I need a plan. I glance over my shoulder to examine the body type of the guy following me: He's tall, kind of buff, and athletic. Luckily I know exact ally what to do.

--

Sara takes a sharp turn, causing her to slide a little, and making the dry Nevada dirt fly up, putting a wall of dust in between her and the guy. From about 30 feet away Adam doesn't slow down , busting through the wall of dirt, and tripping over Sara's foot. She's let out a harsh laugh as he flew forward. "Dumb ass." she muttered as she began to run again, however her plan back fired and she was tackled to the ground.

"What the hell!" She found her self under another man in white, and she did the only thing she could think of. She reared back her fist and punched him in the nose, causing him to immediately jump off her and let out a yelp. Sara started to get to her feet when Adam grabbed her arm. She rose her other fist to strike him down when the other man grabbed it. She then felt a prick in her arm, and she turned to see him injecting what could only be tranquilizer into her.

--

Despite the tranquilizer that was coursing through my veins I still try to fight against the two men's grip, kicking my feet at them like a donkey would. Everything is getting fuzzy, and I can hear one say "Shit Adam, I think she broke my nose."

What ever they put in me is making me more cooperatively because I involuntarily start to walk with them, each step getting harder to take. This is bull shit. I can't go back into one of those hell holes. They obviously never work because this is my third attempt.

And then everything is dark.

--

I'm waiting in the lobby of the building, waiting for them to bring Sara in. I'm so worried about her, why would she want to die? How long was she planning this, if she was planning this. I can't believe she would think her life sucks that much. Well what would I know? She hardly ever talks with me.

I hear the door open, Adam is carrying Sara. "What the hell did you do to her!?" I stand up and walk over to him. "We had to subdue her" the other man says. I look at him: his nose is bleeding, and he looks like he's afraid she'll wake up. "Oh" I quietly say.

"Miss?" the receptionist behind me says. I turn to look at her. "Are you her boss?" she asks. Well technically, no. But I am rank above her. "Yes" I tell her. "Good, you can commit her, since she has no family, if you fill out these" she hands me some papers, and a pen.

--

Before I even open my eyes I know where I am. It smells vaugly of vomit, BO, and blood covered by cleaner. I open my eyes to look around: the white walls with matching floors, sheets, and pillows. A single plant to make it look some what nice. I'm in a bed, my clothes were taken and replaced by a white gown.

There is a girl in the bed next to me: she can't be older than 16. She has long black hair, dangling in her face. "What are you staring at?" she moodily asks me as she sits up. I can see bandages around her wrists, and her left forearm. "Why so angry, you should be glad you don't get a crazy room mate" I inform her. It must be her first time in one of these places. My first time here I was roomed with this crazy girl who stashed a sharpened pencil in her vagina, and tried to cut herself with it.

She doesn't answer me, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. "So why are you here?" she asks. On normal circumstances, I wouldn't tell anybody anything about my suicidal tendencies. However knowing that she knows where I'm coming from, I feel as though it's okay. "I tried to blow my brains out." I bluntly state. Her head snaps around to look at me. "Who stopped you?" she asked as if in awe. "Some ass hole blonde." I tell her.

She looks away, as if ashamed of what she was about to say. "My mom stopped me." she almost whispered. I don't know what it is about this kid, but I feel like I should cheer her up. "Well, at least you can refuse to see her. If you say the word, then they won't let her in" Her eyes light up and she turns to me. "How come you know so much about this place?" she asks me. Oops I've said too much. Ah well might as well come clean. I mean, it's not like I'm going to see her again. "I've been around this block a couple times." I sigh. Man I feel like I'm a kid again: helpless.

I ask her what her name is, it's Lisa. Lisa and I talk until it's visiting time. However neither of us want to see who was waiting so we just decided to get some rest.

--

**Yeah that story about the girl with the ****pencil**** in her ****vagina****, that's a true story. I don't plan on making Lisa an important character, I just wanted to add some ****reality**** to the story. In "loony bins" you get one room mate. Tell me what you think.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry it's taken me so long to update. Like I've said before: I'm getting kicked out in about two months now. (see you guys on the streets of ****San****Fransisco****)**

**Anyway: Thanks for the reviews. There's no good stuff in this chapter, just more angst.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.**

--

Sara sat in front of the psychiatrist: she couldn't have been much older than Sara. "Miss Sidle, is it?" she asked, making sure her schedule was correct. Sara just coldly stared at her. "I'll take that as a yes" she mumbled. "This is your...third attempt?" she quizzed, trying to get Sara to talk.

After a few minutes of silence the woman sighed. "Please say something" she begged. Sara glanced at the woman: she was quite pretty. She had rich, olive colored skin, with her dark hair in loose curls. She was Italian, no doubt. "This is my third attempt" Sara confirmed, looking away apathetically.

"What brought on each attempt?" she asked, concern in her light brown eyes. Sara sighed and rolled her eyes at the question before giving a legitimate answer.

--

If she wasn't so easy on the eyes, I would have asked to leave a long time ago. Her name is Judy Williams. She's the new psychiatrist.

Anyway I'm in my bed now, thinking of ways to get out of this shit. The easiest way is to go along. Tell everyone what they want to hear: 'Alcoholic father, abused, not loved' as long as there is a reason for your behavior, they can fix you. Or so they think.

Lisa has decided to let her mom come in and talk. The usual 'Why'd you do it' conversation, everyone's crying, I'm gagging. Lisa has depression. No doubt. Everything piled up and whatnot. It's a story book ending to her suicide attempt. Everything will be okay...For her. They can medicate her troubles away.

I don't think I'll stop until I finally kill myself. I wonder if they'll take away my gun after I get out. "Suicide watch" sucks. They take all sharp objects away from you, as well as any medication.

Catherine's probably telling Gil what happened right now.

--

Gil's looking at me with shock in his blueish gray eyes. "I..I can't believe she would..." his words trail off, and he sits down behind his desk. " I think it's best for Sara if we don't tell anyone else." I suggest, my arms crossed over my chest, I feel uncomfortable.

"She won't see anyone" I tell him before leaving the room. I can't stand this silence so I walk to the break room, where the guys are already waiting. "Where's Sara?" Nick asks me, not waisting anytime. Oh shit. I didn't think up an excuse for her yet. She would never take any sick days, or vacation..."She went to a lecture about blood spatter" Nice one Willows! They don't expect a thing. "That sounds like Sara." Warrick grins.

I feel bad for lying to them. What am I going to say tomorrow when she's still not here.

--

I've been in this dump for a week. Today's my last day: they obviously don't know who they're dealing with. 'Suicidal Sara Sidle!' is a good tittle for me: it kind of rhymes.

This place sucks. I'm so fucking happy to be leaving, they've given me my clothes and I just had my last session with that hot psychiatrist. She asked me out on a date, but I told her it was inappropriate. She already knows too much about me.

I pass the desk, nodding to the secretary. "Miss, you need to sign out!" she tells me. "I don't have to sign shit!" I almost laugh back. I get a kick out of not following procedure, as long as it doesn't get me fired.

Staring at the parking lot, I suddenly remember that I don't have a car here. However I do see a familiar one A black denali. Geez Catherine's here. Maby I can sneak away.. "Sara." a stern voice demands my attention. I turn to see Catherine. Oh she looks mad I should mess with her.

I shouldn't be mad at her for stopping me, she was just doing what she thought was right. However I don't feel like being nice to anyone right now. "Fuck off" I tell her as I start walking away. I'm stopped by a hand wrapping tightly around my arm. "Catherine let go." I quietly say...Almost a whisper.

--

Catherine gently, but firmly kept a grip on Sara's fore arm. She wasn't sure what she was doing anymore, tears burned her eyes, but she wouldn't let them fall. "Sara, look at me" she demanded. Sara reluctantly did so, anger in her dark eyes. The kind of glare that she was famous for, the kind that seemed to say so much without a word.

"Sara...I just wanted to save you." Catherine's voice was a lot more meek than usual, but not apologetic."Why are you still so mad, do you still wish you were dead?" her words became stronger, almost angry as the tears in her eyes fell down her checks. Sara continued to stare at Catherine, as if looking for something.

"Why would you care?" She asked, disattatched from the situation. As if this was just an interrogation. Catherine's eyes became full of sadness "Because I care about y-" her words were cut off by Sara's angry voice "Don't say that!" She demanded "You only care because you feel sorry for me! You just want to fucking fix me!" Sara snapped.

Catherine looked at Sara with shock. "I didn't think you were broken to begin with." she sadly wisped as Sara pulled her arm away.

Sara let silence fall over them. "Are you going to give me a ride, or what?" she coldly asked. Catherine looked back for a second anger flashed over her sad eyes, however Catherine quickly composed herself. "Sure" she mumbled just as coldly.

--

**Sorry it's kind of short, and nothing much ****happened.**** I'll try to put more action in the next chapter. (reviews will make me update faster)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry but this is a really really short update. I figure it's better than nothing. Oh I forgot to mention that this is a Cath/Sara femslash fic. **

**Disclaimer: I only wish I owned the show**

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I don't know why I expected her to be greatful. I mean, at first I expected hostility. She did want to accomplish something, and I stopped her. But you'd think she would regret attempting it by now. Maby I just wanted her to feel something more than hate towards me.

I'm driving towards her apartment now, silence still engulfing my car. "Take a right up here, it's a short cut" she tells me. Good I can't stand to be in this car for much longer. I turn the wheel, smoothly making the turn when Sara reaches over to turn on the radio.

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You'll never guess what song is on the radio! That's right: Ask the Angels. Catherine stiffens up when she hears it, I bet she thinks that I"m not over it yet. Truth is: I'd gotten over it about three or four days ago. I'm just pretending I'm still mad at her. It's catty, I know, but the more I pretend to hate her the more she trys to become my friend. She just wants what she can't have, and she thinks she can get it with her charming smile, and hot body. Well I think not!

We're sitting in the car, at my apartment, in silence. I don't know what we're waiting for. I should just leave. As I'm reaching for the handle she speaks up.

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"Sara!" Catherine quickly says, stopping her from leaving. She seemed to be working up the courage to say something. "Do you regret it?" She finally asks. Sara stares at her, puzzled. She didn't know weather to lie, or to be truthful. The truth was: she didn't feel anything towards it anymore.

"Yes" she simply said. "I regret it, and I appreciate you stopping me" she told the strawberry blonde as she stepped out of the car, and left Catherine alone.

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I feel weird. I lied to catherine.....To make her happy. When did I start doing that?

I'm at my apartment smiling at the bottle of Jack that Catherine had brought to me on that crazy night. "Oh...It has a note." I say out loud as I pick up the liquor bottle. I carefully open the small card and read it out loud:

"Happy Birthday Sara! I got you this so you could get drunk, and maby go on a date with me."

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**Oh no! I hope I can update soon to tell you what happens.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thanks so much for your reviews! **

**Okay so I'm not ****exact ally**** happy with how this chapter plays out, and I'm also not happy that it's so short. **

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I wonder if Sara has read the note... I don't know how she'll react after what happened, hell I didn't know how she'd reacted before this whole situation. I like her allot. It's not like I'm always checking her out or anything. It's one of those few times when my initial attraction wasn't physical. She's got quite the personality, and brains. The good looks are just a plus.

Anyway I should stop thinking about Sara, and concentrate on the road.

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I read the note several more times, now slightly buzzed off of that Jack. "This is.... Awkward" I say out loud. I'm not sure if it's a joke.... It seems like one.

I make my way towards my room, dismissing the whole note thing. I take a look around, and spot my gun. "What the fuck?!" I laugh. You see, if you've ever tried to kill yourself you'd know that you're on suicide watch for about a month or so afterwards. They should of taken that away from me. Perhaps Catherine didn't tell anyone who really cared. She's never been one to spread 'the word' about topics.

I glance at the clock: it's about two hours till work. I should have asked Catherine what she told everyone. I kind of need to know that. I grab my cell phone from the table, and dial her number.

"Willows." What a warm greeting.

"Yeah, it's Sara.-"

"Oh, hi. I was thinking about you." That's weird.

"Uh... Okay. I was wondering what you told the guys at the lab..... I mean did you tell them what happened?"

"Oh... No I didn't" She disappointed?

"Uh.... What did you tell them?" I'm getting a bit annoyed with this conversation.

"That you went to a convection in San Fransisco."

"Thanks. Bye." And I hang up, quickly.... Before she can suck me into small talk.

Shesounded weird.... And she was thinking of me. What a weird thing to mention to someone who hardly tolerates you. I brush off the comment, and head to take a bath: I'm sore all over, and it will do me good..

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I stare at my phone. What was she in such a hurry to do? Then I freeze... Why did I tell her that I was thinking of her? She probably hasn't even read the note. . I toss the phone on the passengers seat, and notice Sara left her bag. I should return that.

Turning into a gas station, I glance at the price. "Four dollars!?" I say out loud. "That's outrageous!" I turn out of the gas station and decide to get it from a different one, closer to Sara's apartment.

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Sara quickly turned on the hot water for her bath, and practically torn off her clothes, because she was eager for her bath.. She put a single toe into the water, to test it's temperature "Ow!" she jumped back, and turned on the cold water. As she waited for it to reach a suitable temperature a knock came to the door. She wasn't about to delay her bath, so she ignored it.

"Sara? It's Catherine" a fimilar voice said. 'God damn it, what the fuck is she doing here.' Sara thought as she turned off the water, and wrapped a towel around herself. "I'm coming" she groaned as she stomped over to her door, and swung it open.

"You forgot your bag-" Catherine's words trailed off as she noticed what Sara was wearing, or more like not wearing. Sara rose an eye brow.

"Catherine?" She asked, leaning on the door to help take the weight off of her aching feet. Sara noticed the blush forming on Catherine's cheeks, and crossed her arms in self consciousness. "Oh.... Um." She suddenly became very aware of how little the towel covered: Just enough to conceal the vitals, but not leave much to the imagination.

Catherine snapped out of her hormone driven trance, and held the bag up. "You should consider wearing that more often." she grinned, wanting to bring a less awkward tone to the situation. Thoughts raced through Catherine's mind. She wasn't sure if this was a response to her invitation for a date, or just coincidence.

"Thank you for returning this." Sara grabbed the bag, and smiled "I dressed down for our date." she teased, gesturing to the bottle of jack Daniels. Catherine paused, still not sure of the situation.

"I take it you read my note?" she smiled, testing the waters carefully. Sara didn't notice the slightly serious tone in her voice.

"Yeah, I'd love to go on a date with you." She joked, of course Catherine didn't know this. Catherine misread this entire situation."See ya' after shift then" She leaned in to give Sara a quick kiss. However, Sara jumped back as if Catherine's lips were poison.

Catherine looked at Sara with shock in her eyes, which Sara mirrored in hers. "What are you doing!?" Sara asked as she tightened the grip on her towel. Catherine just gave her a deer in the headlights look, and froze.

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**Yeah, so it's unlikely that Sara would ever answer the door in just a ****towel.**** I tried to keep it as realistic as ****possible****, but the whole things seems played out to me. Eh, the next chapter will be much more realistic. **

**Oh, and I'm sorry for the short chapters. I hope you'll put up with them.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Final chapter! I put allot of work, and heart into this one. I hope you like it. **

**Disclaimer: Don't own it**.

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My heart's pounding in my ears: it's the only thing I can hear. I'm mainly shocked at what I just tried to do. I'm mad at myself for trying to do kiss Sara, but mainly for thinking she could ever like me. It's been akward. We can't even work together anymore, all we do is fight. I usually start it, but it's only a defense.

I'm sitting in the break room, drinking some of this shitty coffee the lab has. Greg had to work in trace today: hodges went to some lecture. Warrick and nick are finishing up a case they started a few days ago, and Sara is sitting, starring into space. With a sleepy look in her dark eyes. I turn away so she doesn't think I'm looking at her.

"Looks like you two are working together on a B&E" Grissom cames in and waists no time. Sara snaps out of her trance and looks at him.

"B&E?" she asks him "Shouldn't that take one person?" she tried to sound more like she was implying it than stating it. Gil seemed as though he knew he should have thought this through more. While I'm just standing next the him, reading the case. If he put us on a case together, after I warned him not to. It must be a good case.

"Usually, but this time it's different." he tells us, but I'm already a step ahead. Sara's now reading over his other shoulder, trying to figure out what's up before I do. A silent challenge between us.

My eyes read over the words. This is why. "It's Ecklie's house!" we both say in unison. Our eyes meet: it was a tie.

"Yes, treat this like any other case. And don't go around snooping in his house." Gil warns us. I smile a little, it was just what I was wanting to do. I sigh as some questions pop in my head.

"Is he hurt?" I don't really care if he got a black eye, or broken arm. If he's seriously injured then I'll care.

"No." Gil states as he walks out the door. "Better get going." he calls out. This will be fun, in a 'I can't stand being around my partner' kind of way.

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The silence in this car is unbearable. I would turn on the radio if I wasn't so sure the damn song wasn't on.

Catherine has been so catty ever since... what happened. It's getting to the point where I think we should talk about it. I won't bring it up, but if she does I'll be more than happy to talk. The thing I can't get over is that she wanted to go out before this: maby that's why she was so upset when I rejected her at the hospital, and channeled my anger at her for saving me.

But whatever. We're at Ecklie's house now. It's not as big as I'd thought it'd be. I silently grab my bag from the back seat, and walk under the yellow tape. I think the officer knows about our fights, because she looks from me to Catherine as if we shouldn't be on the same case.

I walk into the house: it's white. The furniture, the walls, the carpet. It kind of hurts my eyes. However, it's a mess. Cousins up turned, dewars are emptied on the floor. "It looks like someone was looking for something." I say out load, weather or not Catherine was listening: I don't know.

Ecklie is in his room: it was black. The room, that is. He was still in his boxers and night shirt. I almost gag when I realize I have those same black silk boxers. I walk up to him, and smile a little. "I'm CSI Sidle, and this is my partner CSI Willows." I state in a mock perfessional tone. He looked at me with a very fimilar scowl on his face.

"Sidle, this is serious, if you goof around, I'll have you suspended." he warned me. I snap on my gloves, and look around the room, letting Catherine handle him. This room looks a little too clean. Dwares are shut tight, as well as the closet.

"Did you touch anything?" I ask without turning. Ecklie pauses: he usually has a quick answer for everything.

"I did." he tells me. I swing around, and look him in the eye.

"You know you're not suppose to touch anything." I sound a little more concerned than I'd hoped. "Catherine, take him in the other room." I motion for her to leave. Surprisingly she does.

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"Okay, did you see his face?" I ask him. He shakes his head, and seems worried about something. His behavior has been weird. Well he just got robbed. "Is there something you're not telling me?" I ask him

"I've said everything pertaining to the case." he states. I roll my eyes and tell him to wait outside as we finish. After he leaves the house, I go to see if Sara found anything interesting. I walk into Ecklie's bedroom, and freeze as I see what Sara's holding.

"Why'd he go through the trouble of hiding this, if he knew that any good CSI would look through his drawers." She says as she holds up a ball gag and hand cuffs. I can't help but grin a little: who'd knew Ecklie was so wild in bed. However I keep my mind on track.

"We're supposed to be looking for evidence." I tell her as I dust for finger prints on his nightstand, and open the drawer. "Ewww" I mumble when I see a glimpse of lubricant, porn, and a butt plug. It wouldn't bother me so much if it wasn't Ecklie.

"Did you find more.... Toys?" Sara asked as she lifted a strand of anal beads.

"Yeah." I've never seen someone with as many sex toys.

"I kind of hope that he doesn't just use these by himself." Sara snickers before taking prints off of the dresser.

"We don't need to take this stuff in." I tell her, having some pity on Ecklie. She's quiet now. I think she's trying to avoid conflict.

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So basically I'm laughing really loud... On the inside. But no time for that, I'm running finger prints...Well more like I'm watching Wendy do it. She's kind of cute. I'd go out with her if she wasn't already with Mandy.

"We've got a match" she happily states. "A Robert Carlington" she reads the name out loud.

"Thanks Wendy" I say coolly before walking out.

Two hops and a skip later I'm in the interrogation room looking at Mr. Carlington. He stares back. "So...... We've got your fingerprints in a house that was recently robbed. Care to explain?" I ask. He pushes his lips together, and rolls his green eyes.

"Yeah, I left my necklace in that bitches house, and he wouldn't let me in to get it." he states.

"Oh so you've met Mr. Comrade?" I stupidly ask. He rolls his eyes again.

"Met him, we've been having sex for like a month" I totally knew it. Warrick owes me 50$!

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Sara walked through the empty parking lot, her hands in her pockets, holding her winnings from the bet. She noticed another pair of foot steps echoing through the lot, so she quickly turned to see a fimilar face. "Catherine? What are you doing here so late?" Sara asked, a bit worried.

Catherine shifted uncomfortable from foot to foot. "We need to talk." she stated. She looked away, with shame in her eyes. "About what happened" she clarified. "Could we have breakfast... Just to talk" she asked, hope in her words. Sara sighed, she could see her breath in the cold Nevada air.

"Drive." Sara simply stated as she walked towards Catherine's car.

It was a good thing that the dinner was so close, because the air in the car was thick. The two women went to a booth in the back and sat quietly until Catherine spoke. "Sara, I.. I think I've made a mistake." her voice was sad: defeated. "I wouldn't have tried to kiss you if I didn't think that you were serious about the date...." Catherine confessed, looking Sara in the eye. Sara continued to be silent, waiting for Catherine to blame this on her. "But.... That offer still stands. I mean... You do like me, don't you?" as the words fell from her lips, Sara was surprised that Catherine was putting herself out there.

"Catherine... I'm not attracted to you. Do you think that dating will make the tense air between us go away?" Sara asked with a calm, caring voice. "Stop putting me in this situation." she states as she stands up and walks out, leaving Catherine behind.

As the rain started to pour down, Catherine realized she'd been there for an hour. She stood up, and left. Her steps felt heavy as she walked to her car, and got in. Pulling out of the dinner she started to head home, a bit too fast. As she turned the cornnor, she slid. The car still moving horizontally: crashing into a ditch. The water poured into the car, and she'd hit her head on the wheel. She couldn't wake up.

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I Caught a cab home. I feel like shit, I could see Catherine's heart breaking. As if it was a tangible thing.

I'm pulled out of my mind by the phone ringing. "Sidle" I state..... Then hang up the phone. There's a silence so loud it hurts your ears. She's dead.

As if in a trance, I slowly walk into my room. I feel so numb, my feat are heavy. I do something that is very fimilar to me: I grab my gun.

_"Sara....I just wanted to save you."_

She just wanted to help me. She's the only one who's ever cared.

_"Because I care about you"_

I bring the barrel of the gun to my head.

_"I didn't think you were broken to begin with." _

She just wanted to know what was wrong.

_"Do you regret it?"_

My finger wraps around the trigger.

_"You do like me, don't you?"_

"Hey Catherine..... I won't be in the same place as you...... When you get to heaven.... Ask the Angels."

BANG!!!!

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**The end**.


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